Losing my religion
I have been wondering why it has been so hard for me to keep this blog going. I keep telling myself that time has a lot to do with it. But as of two weeks ago, that is no longer an issue either. The "gift of time" that I have so patiently (??!!) waited for is now here and I am now soaking in its benefits, mostly by doing a whole lot of nothing. The things that I had promised on doing for myself (like read books that I have been saving for a few months, work out, go for a walk in Central Park (!!), mingle and make friends in this stranger of a city, etc.) have gotten off to a somewhat skiddish start.
Some would argue that one cannot improve on nature, but that could be farther from the truth. Things....things I want to fix.....things I can fix.....but am too impatient for them to be realized....get in my way. Rather, I let them bog me own. Maybe if I were in denial of my grievances, I'd fare much better, both mentally and socially. Only....the next two paragraphs would be about something totally different. :)
Something else has come to nag me in the last couple of months. I seem to have an opinion about nothing. I'm stuck between lack of knowledge and indifference about everything but myself. This is vanity at its worst because it involves self-loathing. Or perhaps the issue is that my attention span has been reduced to the same as that of a goldfish and I can't seem to hold on to a thought long enough to have an opinion about it.
I struggle with this because I get the impression of having lost passion in my life. The passion to care, the passion to think about things that matter, the passion to be who I want to be. And the price I'm paying is WAY too high....my cynicism, my confidence, my patience. This is penance for what?
Some would argue that one cannot improve on nature, but that could be farther from the truth. Things....things I want to fix.....things I can fix.....but am too impatient for them to be realized....get in my way. Rather, I let them bog me own. Maybe if I were in denial of my grievances, I'd fare much better, both mentally and socially. Only....the next two paragraphs would be about something totally different. :)
Something else has come to nag me in the last couple of months. I seem to have an opinion about nothing. I'm stuck between lack of knowledge and indifference about everything but myself. This is vanity at its worst because it involves self-loathing. Or perhaps the issue is that my attention span has been reduced to the same as that of a goldfish and I can't seem to hold on to a thought long enough to have an opinion about it.
I struggle with this because I get the impression of having lost passion in my life. The passion to care, the passion to think about things that matter, the passion to be who I want to be. And the price I'm paying is WAY too high....my cynicism, my confidence, my patience. This is penance for what?
